Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Instant Ewww!

Thank you for appreciating the insightful post of “Seven Habits of Highly Ineffective Guys” I have been counseling my friends on relationship issues for quite some time and I found a common mistake those guys were making. 

But 1st you need to read this story I’m going to tell you. It may sound familiar to you!


A friend of mine was attracted to his newly joined colleague in his department. I’m one of those people who don’t believe in love at 1st Sight.  It just sounds insane to me that you’re falling for someone you barely know. So I told my friend it was just infatuation for him and he will get over it. Plus, it’s not easy to maintain a relationship with someone you are working with. It creates conflict of interest and hampers work and personal life balance.

But as the time passed and the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her... which turned into an emotional attachment.

One fine evening, we met at the bowling alley; he explained a problem to me. He was getting insecure because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him.

I asked him did you ever ask her how she feels about you. He said no but she said things like, "You are so important person" and "I'm glad that you're in my life”

I said dude that means she just wants to be friends with you. I will suggest don’t push it. Don’t 
rush into things just like that because you don’t want to end up in a situation where she slaps a restraining order on you.

After spending many sleepless nights he arrived at the conclusion that, if she only knew how he felt, she would feel the same way. So, he made a bold move and told her how he felt.

What happened then? I asked while sipping doodh patti at a dhaba. He said I confessed that I was in love and that I would do anything to be with her.  She looked at me and smiled. (Which was not followed by a punch because actions speak louder than words)

She said I do respect your feelings but…I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're too important to me...."

My poor friend just didn't know how to take it...

He was confused:
Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something? Or Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long term relationship?
Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint?
Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough?

He said to me that he finally decided that he couldn't take it anymore... he had to be with her no matter what happens.

He wrote a long descriptive email and sent it to her corporate inbox. (Another Blunder)
She didn't reply. He tried to talk to her, she was avoiding him. Whenever he called her on weekends She made excuses about being busy with the family and said "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go.. mom’s calling me in the kitchen"... and disconnected the call.

He never got a call back as expected. She resigned from his office. Got married afterwards in a couple of months and didn’t even invite her best friend at work on her wedding.

Moral of the story: If a woman isn't attracted to you, all of your attempts to impress her, to confess your love, to convince her to like you will always BACKFIRE! Yes Backfire! It's going to trigger a feeling that Relationship Experts call "The Instant Ewww".

When you hear that sound, mate your game is over and you have just made your case worse. Once a woman feels it, YOU'RE DONE.

Just in case you are wondering where this concept of Instant Ewww came from, observation is a very powerful tool if utilized effectively ;)

A lot of females use the word "Ewww" when describing something gross or something they found extremely exasperating e.g. how she felt about a guy she hated the most or barely know confessed his love.

It’s a simple rule of thumb. When you want to see other people’s perspective, put yourself in their shoes. In case of women, put yourself in their high heel sandals. You will see that they like you when you’re acting sweet but the moment you confess something before the right time, the whole scenario will change. She will start feeling uncomfortable and repulsive.

I’m not saying that you should give up from the beginning. But you need to keep in mind that everything happens at the right time. If she’s meant for you, you are going to get her. If she’s not, you will lose everything you had with her.

Men make this mistake over and over again in life because they're doing what makes sense to them. If they do what makes sense to the other person, they might change the plot. Instead of making someone a friend and then trying to make her like you is certainly not a good idea. Attraction has to be created from the very beginning and attraction is very subjective when it comes to women.

I know it sucks when you do all the effort and it backfires but I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens, I'll help you to avoid this painful situation in the future. Good Luck Romeos.

2 comments:

wajeeh said...

I agree TOTALLY!

Inquisitive_Mind said...

Well in such cases Guys shd remain consistent, don't try to speed up the things, give her some time and enjoy the phase of friendship as this will help you to develop understanding and with passage of time likeness too. Once you gain the trust, starts understanding each other things will be different, only then express your feelings keeping in view other persons comfort and choosing the right time as timing matters a lot.

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